


Sex Arrows Are Not A Thing

by chaletian



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaletian/pseuds/chaletian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The thing is,” Clint Barton says seriously, dangling in Thor’s grasp, “I’m Cupid.”</p>
<p>“You are Clint Barton,” says Thor. “And you <em>shot</em> me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Arrows Are Not A Thing

“The thing is,” Clint Barton says seriously, dangling in Thor’s grasp, “I’m Cupid.”

“You are Clint Barton,” says Thor. “And you _shot_ me.” He sounds more puzzled than shot.

“With Cupid’s arrow,” explains Clint.

“With _your_ arrow,” counters Thor.

“Yes,” says Clint. “I’m Cupid.”

The conversation devolves from there.

oOo

“Evening,” says Steve cheerfully, opening the fridge. It’s a nice evening, and there aren’t (so far) any alien forces devoting their time and energy to destroying the world, and he’s just watched a great movie about a rocketeer, who kind of reminded Steve a little bit of him and a little bit of Tony Stark, and life in the twenty-first century feels pretty good. At the kitchen island, Thor and Clint are bent over one of those little computers, and Thor is… apparently making kissy-faces?

“Uh…”

“Isn’t it great?” says Clint expansively, abandoning Thor to his own devices and beaming at Steve. “He and Jane were meant for each other. Don’t you think he and Jane were meant for each other?”

Steve is pretty sure this is not Clint’s normal behaviour. “Are you feeling OK?” he asks. “You got quite a bump on your noggin last night.”

Clint is apparently fine. “I’m fine,” he says. “Docs patched me up.” He eyes Steve speculatively, and Steve, later, kicks himself for not noticing that Clint’s bow was at all times within easy reach.

oOo

Natasha raises an eyebrow at the sight of Tony Stark tenderly bandaging Steve Rogers’ arm.

”What’s up, Florence?” she asks. “I was busy.”

“Barton’s had some kind of mental damage and is shooting everyone,” says Tony.

“He thinks he’s Cupid,” offers Steve.

“He’s a crazy man,” says Tony.

Steve is more soft-hearted. “He just wants people to be happy,” he says. “But, kinda, together.”

“He’s on drugs,” says Tony, and caresses Steve’s arm with a bandage.

Natasha leaves.

oOo

Clint is standing on the coffee table. His eyes light up as Natasha enters the room, and he poses with the bow like he’s in the middle of Piccadilly Circus.

Natasha leaves.

oOo

Coulson does not find anything about this disconcerting. He is an agent of SHIELD. He works with other agents of SHIELD. Agents of SHIELD frequently sustain brain damage and/or are subjected to strong medication and become delusional.

The Cupid fixation, while a little unconventional, is hardly surprising, in the circumstances.

“Agent Barton,” he says calmly.

Agent Barton, it appears, is delighted to see him. “Hey, Coulson! Check it out! I’m Cupid!”

“Is that so?” says Coulson.

“I have sex arrows.”

OK.

oOo

Clint Barton’s head is going to explode. Maybe his right eyeball first, but definitely his whole head not long after.

Also, he’s naked.

Also, this is not his bed.

Also, he’s handcuffed to the bed that isn’t his.

Also, he has a wacky memory of shooting Captain America. And a demi-god. So they could find true love. And in that vein…

Clint whimpers.

“Two things I think we can take away from the events of yesterday,” says Phil Coulson, suited and immaculate, bending down to unfasten the handcuff. “Firstly, sex arrows are not a thing. Secondly, you are endearingly eager to find true love with me.”

Clint squints at him suspiciously. “Did you take advantage of my drugged state?”

“No,” says Coulson. 

“Oh,” says Clint.

“But,” continues Coulson, “we have another hour before this morning’s meeting and my boyfriend was too stoned to put out last night.”

“That’s nice,” says Clint. “I’m gonna throw up.”

“OK,” says Coulson.

They’re agents of SHIELD. It’s cool.

FIN


End file.
